What actually happens in an EMDR session

Most people who contact me about EMDR have the same worry sitting underneath their question. They are not really asking what the therapy involves. They are asking whether they will have to relive the worst thing that ever happened to them, out loud, in a room with someone they barely know. It is a fair thing to wonder, and I would rather answer it plainly before you book anything.

The honest answer is that it does ask something of you, but gently, and not all at once. When we get to the processing, I invite you to bring to mind the part of the memory that stays with you most, and to tell me about it in whatever words you have, because that is the part we reprocess. You are not doing that cold. We build up to it first, you set the pace, and we can stop whenever you need to. What follows is how a session actually unfolds when I work with people in Brisbane and online, so you can decide whether it feels like something you want to try.

What EMDR actually is

EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing. It is a structured therapy developed in the late 1980s, and the World Health Organization includes it in its guidance as one of the treatments to consider for post-traumatic stress, alongside trauma-focused cognitive behavioural therapy. The idea behind it can be said in a few sentences. When something overwhelming happens, the memory can be stored with all of its original intensity, so that years later a smell, a tone of voice or a date on the calendar sets off the same body response as if it were happening now. EMDR pairs a small piece of that memory with bilateral stimulation, usually guided eye movements, alternating taps or sounds, and that seems to help the brain file the memory away as something that happened rather than something still happening.

It is not only for what people think of as big trauma. I also use it for anxiety, for old patterns that keep playing out in relationships, and for the core beliefs people carry about themselves, like "I am not safe" or "it is my fault", that were formed long ago and still run the show.

What a session is actually like

Before any eye movements happen, there is preparation, and it usually takes longer than people expect. In the first sessions we talk about what brought you in, what you want to be different, and what has helped you cope so far, and we map out together which memories and current triggers matter most. I teach you ways to settle your body when things feel like too much, and we practise them together, because you need those tools in your pocket before we go anywhere near a difficult memory. For some people this takes a few sessions. For others, particularly where there is a long history, it is a longer and equally important part of the work.

When we do begin processing, we choose a target together, usually the part of the experience that stays with you most. I ask what image or moment holds it best, what you believe about yourself when you think of it (often something like "I am not safe" or "it was my fault"), what you would rather be able to believe, and where you feel it in your body. Then you bring it to mind and tell me about it in whatever words you have, and I guide the bilateral stimulation in short sets. Between sets I ask only what you noticed. You do not have to explain it or make sense of it. Thoughts, memories, sensations and emotions tend to shift from one set to the next, and my job is to follow where your mind goes rather than steer it. If it becomes too much, we stop, ground and breathe, and you can ask for a pause at any point.

We keep going until the memory feels less charged, then we strengthen the more settled belief you chose, and finish by scanning your body for any tension that is still hanging on, because the body often holds a memory after the mind has moved on. Many people find the memory is still part of their story afterwards but no longer runs the room.

Each session ends with time to settle before you leave, so you are not walking back into your day wide open. It is common to feel tired, tender or to have vivid dreams for a day or two afterwards. That is your system continuing to work, and we talk about what to expect beforehand so it does not catch you off guard.

How long it takes

There is no standard number, and I would be wary of anyone who promises one. Some people arrive with a single, clear goal, work on it, and take a break once they feel steadier. Some come back months later with a second goal. Others, especially where there has been trauma across many years, need more time, and that is not a sign that something is going wrong. The length depends on you, on what you are carrying and on what you want from therapy. My aim is always to work myself out of a job, which means we keep checking in on what you came for and whether you are getting it.

Online EMDR, and who it might suit

I offer EMDR in person in Brisbane and online across Australia, and the online version works well for many people. You follow the bilateral stimulation on your screen or with a simple tapping technique, and being at home can make it easier to settle afterwards. EMDR is often a good fit for people living with the effects of trauma or anxiety, or with old beliefs about themselves that keep firing in the present. You can read more about the approach on my EMDR and schema therapy page.

It is not right for everyone, or for every moment in someone's life. If you are in the middle of a crisis, or the stability you need is not there yet, we may start with other work first and come to EMDR later. A discovery call is a low-pressure way to find out where you are.

A question to sit with

If you have been carrying something for years and managing it by staying busy, you do not have to decide anything today. You might simply notice what it would feel like if that memory stopped tightening your chest every time it surfaced. What would you do with the energy you currently spend holding it down?

If you would like to talk it through, you can book a discovery call and we will work out together whether EMDR is a good next step. There is no pressure to commit to anything.

Anna